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If you have just learned that global warming was all a massive fraud being perpetuated by Commie scientists in East Angular, your blood is all angried up and you can’t wait to just jump right in and start SHOUTING about it –  but don’t quite know where to start – then this post is for you!

Just copy and paste the following texts, remembering to delete the words you don’t want. Otherwise people might think you are a bot and your post won’t get past the spam filter! Don’t let that happen: the world needs to hear your opinion!! The internet has given ordinary people a way to fight back against the received wisdom of the so-called “wise elites”. You can force the Climategate scientist’s media enablers to start covering this story that they would rather ignore!!!

First, choose your personality type. You are:

…all rogue n’ mavericky:

Global warming is nothing but a [plot/conspiracy/giant lie] by [Big Government, Big Green and Big Business / the trillion dollar wind power industryBig Energy / Al Gore] to [give all power to the UN Climatocrats / create a one world government / tax the US into bankruptcy / force you to bow down to its agenda of enforced austerity / enrich Al Gore].

These emails just go to show what a [scam / con / fraud / giant Ponzi scheme] global warming really is.

We need to stop [the “cap and kill” law / mortgaging our children’s futures on pseudoscience / the Socialist Agenda] before the [eco-fascists / warlarmists / greentards] [tax us into the stone age / exploit us like the third world peasants they want us to become / destroy our liberty / force us into solar powered death camps].

[AGW is a myth / There is no Mann-made global warming / the Greenhouse Effect is just a theory, not a fact]. Get over it.

…some twit that went to a posh school and now writes a blog {*}:

This is the end of the [IPCC-endorsed AGW scam / Al Gore’s great big AGW conspiracy].

Climategate is [the game changer that will make people listen / the end of the Al Gore-approved AGW narrative].

AGW is [about raising taxes / increasing state control / about a few canny hucksters who’ve leapt on the bandwagon fleecing us rotten with their taxpayer subsidised windfarms and their cabon-trading / about the sour, anti-capitalist impulses of sandal-wearing vegans and lapsed Communists who loathe the idea of freedom and a functioning market economy / little more than a scheme by bullying ecofascists to deprive us of our liberty].

We know it’s all a crock and we’re not going to take it.

But the vested interests behind AGW are going to make darned sure that [the AGW bandwagon keeps roll roll rollin’ along / we push this utterly disastrous, economy-destroying measure through / spend vast amounts of public money on a problem that doesn’t exist].

This is our Berlin Wall moment! They can’t stop us now!

…just terribly concerned about what it all means for science:

I’m a [scientist / engineer / fully qualified blogger] and I have never seen [naughtiness / misconduct / outright lying and fraud] like this in all my years of [science / professional experience / blogging].

These so-called scientists’ exclusion of alternative views and opinions is nothing less than [Marxist state censorship / suppression of dissent / Lysenkoism] and is not what science is all about.

These [frauds / white-coated Eichmanns / con-men who hijacked science to predict a looming Armageddon unless we do exactly what they say] should [be censored / resign / be fired and stripped of their titles so they never get employment again /be Rochambeau’d].

We should throw out [the hockey stick / all of their research / all ground based temperature data / all the Paleoclimate reconstructions  / the IPCC reports] and just start over on climate science from a clean slate.

Science should be open and transparent. They need to release all of their [code / emails / raw data / home address and teenage daughters’ cellphone number] so we can see for ourselves before we [destroy our economy / give trillions of dollars directly to Al Gore] based on a lie.

…absolutely convinced of media bias everywhere:

ClimateGate proves that global warming is: [dead / a fraud / the greatest lie ever perpetuated on the American people], but the [liberal / left wing / eco-shill / Libtard-MSM] media are [covering it up / hiding the truth / in full panic stricken media blackout mode].

Only [Fox News / The Daily Mail / The {insert your own courageous national media outlet here}] are covering this story. Hmm.

Global warming [alarmism / hysteria] is all about [money / power / a massive UN sponsored tax grab]. Just Google [Michael Crichton / {insert name of some blogger you like here}].

…suffering from liberal guilt, probably wearing sandals right now, and have about as much backbone as roadkill weasel after a visit to a chiropractor:

It’s no use pretending this isn’t a major blow. The emails extracted by a hacker from the climatic research unit at the University of East Anglia could scarcely be more damaging. I am now convinced that they are genuine, and I’m dismayed and deeply shaken by them.

…President of The Maldives:

I know you are all really busy right now with some emails or whatever, but we are a tad concerned that we might be losing some height. As in, above sea level.

Internet Talking Points Recycling Program Seal of Approval:

This post constructed from 97% Recycled Internet.

{*}: 100% Recycled Internet!

Resources:

Poe’s Law

A more productive approach to discussing the CRU email thefts

32 Responses to “How to comment on ClimateGate: a handy reference guide”

  1. JeanPhilippe says:

    Excellent !

  2. jre says:

    Hee, hee! And right after I got so worked up over on that other thread. Now I’m just going to have to work at taking this stuff seriously all over again.

  3. Dave Thompson says:

    It would be funny if it wasn’t so true

    [CAM: I wish that I could say most of it was made up. Alas, no.]

  4. […] How to comment on ClimateGate: a handy reference guide (Carbonfixated.com): If you have just learned that global warming was all a massive fraud being perpetuated by Commie scientists in East Angular, your blood is all angried up and you can’t wait to just jump right in and start SHOUTING about it – but don’t quite know where to start – then this post is for you! […]

  5. Hilarious!
    I shudder to think how many angry comment threads you had to sift through to get this right.

  6. […] fortuna – devo ancora vendere la mia sceneggiatura – come da manuale (nota 1) Claudio Gravina si eccita guardando una notizia presa dal Times di Londra: il Met. […]

  7. mark says:

    Hysterical stuff. Why don’t we start shouting conspiracy about the EPA putting the final official stamp on CO2 as a dangerous gas while we’re at it…so funny…no one will ever question it now. Too bad we need to breathe it…LOL…LMAO… Just the most stupid twilight zone orwellian crap ever…. but no still laughing. The AIR IS NOT FREE….funny…lol.

  8. mark says:

    BRAD BLOG; More hysterical conspiracy nonsense there…as if the elections were stolen. No proof and he wasted his time for years. LOL. Sibel Edmonds. A total red herring. But Global Warming and trace CO2 …now that’s real!!! BRAD’s really stupid but whatever. Enjoy your carbon taxes people.

    On the other hand, if you have a brain: Check out the Blog “watts up with that!” where you can write the EPA and demand they stop the stupidity.

    [CAM: You’ve given me an idea for another handy reference guide. Thanks!]

  9. mark says:

    Well why don’t you mention the new EPA ruling then? They will eventually tax the air you breathe or rather expire. Good Luck with that!

    But at the same time, why are you so totally brainwashed that you believe so completely that what happens in Copenhagen is the only answer. Why isn’t it possible that American’s write their own laws. Why sign a treaty when every treaty signed steals a little american sovereignty? Bet you don’t want to answer that one!

  10. Marc Dufour says:

    Thank you sir you just made my day!

  11. Steve says:

    I laughed so hard I cried!

    Absolutely brilliant. I love your blog.

  12. Steve says:

    @Mark

    Because Global warming is a global phenomenon, and so cannot be tackled by sovereign nations alone. If the US decided to tackle global warming and the rest of the world did nothing they would be throwing their money to the wind.

    Therefore it is in everyones best interest that governments agree on a gloobal deal.

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