Carbon Fixated

If you have just learned that global warming was all a massive fraud being perpetuated by Commie scientists in East Angular, your blood is all angried up and you can’t wait to just jump right in and start SHOUTING about it -  but don’t quite know where to start – then this post is for you!

Just copy and paste the following texts, remembering to delete the words you don’t want. Otherwise people might think you are a bot and your post won’t get past the spam filter! Don’t let that happen: the world needs to hear your opinion!! The internet has given ordinary people a way to fight back against the received wisdom of the so-called “wise elites”. You can force the Climategate scientist’s media enablers to start covering this story that they would rather ignore!!!

First, choose your personality type. You are:

…all rogue n’ mavericky:

Global warming is nothing but a [plot/conspiracy/giant lie] by [Big Government, Big Green and Big Business / the trillion dollar wind power industry / Big Energy / Al Gore] to [give all power to the UN Climatocrats / create a one world government / tax the US into bankruptcy / force you to bow down to its agenda of enforced austerity / enrich Al Gore].

These emails just go to show what a [scam / con / fraud / giant Ponzi scheme] global warming really is.

We need to stop [the “cap and kill” law / mortgaging our children’s futures on pseudoscience / the Socialist Agenda] before the [eco-fascists / warlarmists / greentards] [tax us into the stone age / exploit us like the third world peasants they want us to become / destroy our liberty / force us into solar powered death camps].

[AGW is a myth / There is no Mann-made global warming / the Greenhouse Effect is just a theory, not a fact]. Get over it.

…some twit that went to a posh school and now writes a blog {*}:

This is the end of the [IPCC-endorsed AGW scam / Al Gore’s great big AGW conspiracy].

Climategate is [the game changer that will make people listen / the end of the Al Gore-approved AGW narrative].

AGW is [about raising taxes / increasing state control / about a few canny hucksters who’ve leapt on the bandwagon fleecing us rotten with their taxpayer subsidised windfarms and their cabon-trading / about the sour, anti-capitalist impulses of sandal-wearing vegans and lapsed Communists who loathe the idea of freedom and a functioning market economy / little more than a scheme by bullying ecofascists to deprive us of our liberty].

We know it’s all a crock and we’re not going to take it.

But the vested interests behind AGW are going to make darned sure that [the AGW bandwagon keeps roll roll rollin’ along / we push this utterly disastrous, economy-destroying measure through / spend vast amounts of public money on a problem that doesn’t exist].

This is our Berlin Wall moment! They can’t stop us now!

…just terribly concerned about what it all means for science:

I’m a [scientist / engineer / fully qualified blogger] and I have never seen [naughtiness / misconduct / outright lying and fraud] like this in all my years of [science / professional experience / blogging].

These so-called scientists’ exclusion of alternative views and opinions is nothing less than [Marxist state censorship / suppression of dissent / Lysenkoism] and is not what science is all about.

These [frauds / white-coated Eichmanns / con-men who hijacked science to predict a looming Armageddon unless we do exactly what they say] should [be censored / resign / be fired and stripped of their titles so they never get employment again /be Rochambeau’d].

We should throw out [the hockey stick / all of their research / all ground based temperature data / all the Paleoclimate reconstructions  / the IPCC reports] and just start over on climate science from a clean slate.

Science should be open and transparent. They need to release all of their [code / emails / raw data / home address and teenage daughters' cellphone number] so we can see for ourselves before we [destroy our economy / give trillions of dollars directly to Al Gore] based on a lie.

…absolutely convinced of media bias everywhere:

ClimateGate proves that global warming is: [dead / a fraud / the greatest lie ever perpetuated on the American people], but the [liberal / left wing / eco-shill / Libtard-MSM] media are [covering it up / hiding the truth / in full panic stricken media blackout mode].

Only [Fox News / The Daily Mail / The {insert your own courageous national media outlet here}] are covering this story. Hmm.

Global warming [alarmism / hysteria] is all about [money / power / a massive UN sponsored tax grab]. Just Google [Michael Crichton / {insert name of some blogger you like here}].

…suffering from liberal guilt, probably wearing sandals right now, and have about as much backbone as roadkill weasel after a visit to a chiropractor:

It’s no use pretending this isn’t a major blow. The emails extracted by a hacker from the climatic research unit at the University of East Anglia could scarcely be more damaging. I am now convinced that they are genuine, and I’m dismayed and deeply shaken by them.

…President of The Maldives:

I know you are all really busy right now with some emails or whatever, but we are a tad concerned that we might be losing some height. As in, above sea level.

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Resources:

Poe’s Law

A more productive approach to discussing the CRU email thefts

Tags: Climategate, CRU email theft, Swifthack